What Do You Do When a Python Tries to Kill You?
I think about this scenario far too often. There have been a couple of times I have been near thick foliage and undergrowth, and heard something coming closer to me. I couldn’t see it, but it was in there. Ha! I sound paranoid, right? You spend 3-4 hours in Thailand’s rainforest by yourself and see what your mind does.
Most nights I’m absolutely fine. I don’t fear ghosts. I don’t fear the people I meet in the jungle – most times. I don’t fear venomous snakes because I figure anything I do that gets me in trouble is within my control for the most part. There’s a very slight chance I’ll die in the forest from a venomous snake bite, and I don’t fear that at all.
I do fear something hunting me though. Tigers, leopards, bear, and big pythons.
Recently a rubber tapper in Indonesia went out alone at night to collect latex from the rubber trees in the plantation. He didn’t come back. Friends went looking for him. They found him in the stomach of what they said was a seven meter long Reticulated Python. That’s a big snake. People were incredulous, could it REALLY eat a person?
Are you KIDDING ME? They can eat ALLIGATORS. What makes you think a person is any different?
Wait, here’s the best line from the entire BBC article which covered this story… “Pythons rarely kill and eat humans, although there are occasional reports of them swallowing young children or animals.”
Wait, there are “OCCASIONAL reports of them swallowing animals? There are thousands! Happens thousands of times everyday. Pythons eat dogs, cats, birds, chickens, pigs, alligators, small deer, and many other animals!
Here’s something else dumb they said, “Reticulated pythons are among the world’s longest reptiles and suffocate their victims before swallowing them whole.”
Just a few minutes of research would have turned up the fairly recent study that shows that people who die as a result of python attack, die because their blood pressure raises so high – that the heart cannot beat. The heart is stopped and death occurs. It isn’t asphyxiation that is the cause of death.
Anyway… here’s the BBC article on this story: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-39427458
So, the purpose of this article is to entertain WHAT TO DO IF A PYTHON HAS BITTEN YOU – AND IS WRAPPING AROUND YOU QUICKLY.
How To Survive a Big Python Bite and Full-on Attack
- Python bites you.
- Pull out a knife as fast as possible. The knife should have a lanyard to wrap around your wrist so you can do #3.
- Keep the python from wrapping around you at all costs.
- When possible – stab the snake in the side or belly repeatedly and many different places. Don’t stop. Stop when the snake lets go and you can run away as fast as you can.
- Hope the snake lets go.
That has been my plan for about the last decade. I’m not sure if it would work. I’d like to have a better plan. If you can think of one, DO LET ME KNOW.
Some other ideas… and yes, these are bad – horrific – but, if you’re in a life or death situation, you need to do whatever you can to stay alive, right? I mean, who wants to become snake food.
- If the eyes were visible at all – jam a knife, pen, rock, stick, anything – into the eyes repeatedly – ripping the eyes out if at all possible.
- Bring a container of strong mouthwash, or isopropyl rubbing alcohol and keep it in your shirt pocket – easily accessible. Snakes have been shown to let go every time they encounter a face full of mouthwash.
- If you could keep a bear-trap handy, and just spring it on the size of the body of the beast, that might be enough to make it reconsider biting you. I know, you’d have a serious risk of closing it on your arm as you tried to catch the snake with it.
- I wonder if a small saw would be the best weapon to have. A saw with a blade on it that can saw through 2-3 inch branches might be ideal. Not sure where you’d keep a saw of that type handy on you at all times, but you’d be damn glad you had it when the time came. I think this might be the best violent way to remove the snake. You could saw through a python’s vertebral column in a matter of seconds with the right saw.
Anyway, that’s what I came up with.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IS THE BEST IDEA?
TELL ME WHAT YOU’D DO…